You Have To Read This!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Having joined Multiply about a month ago, I stumbled upon this post from someone in my network.

 

The inhabitants of Ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants had to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert were ciltivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube.

 

In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing liar. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

 

The Greeks invented three kinds of colmns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth said that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. In the Olympic games, the reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their hands. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had no men.

 

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

 

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen, she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "Hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

 

The greates writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors.

 

In one of Shakespeare's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloguy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.

 

Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. The winter of 1620 was a hard one on the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

 

Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

 

Abraham Lincoln became America's greates Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. The Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship, but the Clue Glux Clan would torch and lynch the ex-Negroes. It claimed it represented law and odor. Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

 

Meanwhile in Europe, gravity was invented by Isaak Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn when the apples are falling off trees. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

 

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

 

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The inventions of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the MCCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote "The Organ of the Species".

 

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the annals of human history.

 

To view the original entry, click on this: http://mikiwikee.multiply.com/journal/item/2/The_World_According_To_Student_Bloopers