Young Enough To Die 03

• There is only one rule when it comes to drinking: Be sure to get your drunken ass to where you plan on sleeping, without incurring any debt of any kind.

• It is infinitely better for everyone concerned to pick their noses before leaving the house.

• The lavatory is where you will find God, if there really is one.

• The kitchen is where you will find The Devil, if there really is one.

• The bedroom is where you will find all sorts of Ghosts, Holy and Otherwise.

• Louis Armstrong was psychic. "I see friends shaking hands, saying, 'How do you do?' What they're really saying is…" 

• Achilles was done in by his Pride. I do not see anyone raising eyebrows on that issue.

• If I were to choose between a long life without Glory or a Glorious death in battle, I would still choose to be a published writer. That way, I can Glorify myself, in Death and in Life. Har har. 

• MUSIC is not a launching pad into stardom. If you want to be on TV, the radio, the Internet; and if you want your every move monitored by the media, beat up several nuns to their deaths with a rubber dildo while wearing a negligee.

• Sad people do not write, "Tonight I can write the saddest lines…" Sad people – the genuinely grief-stricken ones — raise a formidable army, and raze and pillage and occupy nearby nations for some noble fucking cause because, in reality, Sadness is Anger, dressed in tears and sobs. Anger at being left alone in the morning by the other person, who was most probably led into bed under the influence of some cheap pill that excites the libido. Anger at being oh-so-misunderstood because of Art and shit like that. Anger at being the only 18-year-old who has not yet screwed anyone, not even the neighbor's dog. Sadness, if you look at history, has been – and it still is — the greatest salestalk for getting people to join one side of an otherwise stupid war. The death of Christians, the death of Muslims, the death of Jews, the death of Hindus. How about the death of a person, in general, huh? Should one person's misery be enough to wipe out an entire nation? Sadness… MY FUCKING ARSE! If you are truly sad, get rid of yourself. If you cannot, get off the fucking floor and start cleaning up the fucking mess!

• If you count your troubles more than you do your blessings, you will wind up in a looney bin. On the other hand, if you count your blessings more than you do your troubles, you will find yourself ill-equipped for the cruelty of the human race. If you count both on equal amounts of time, you will eventually find out that you have wasted your time counting your perceptions, which, in the greater scheme of things, are virtually useless. So, to cut it short: Leave the counting to the mathematicians and live your fucking life, you miserable self-absorbed nincompoop!

• Children will always, ALWAYS know more than you ever will.

• Woody Allen was right: There is too much premium placed on the orgasm to fill up the empty spaces in our lives.

• If you have to fight, fight with Dignity and Honor. If you have to run, run when no one is looking.